3 Dating Myths That Are Sabotaging Your Relationship Success – Part 2 of 3
At the beginning of a Relationship Coaching program/course, I take time to listen to the reality set in front of the coachees, who may be single or already in a relationship (girlfriends, wives). Once the biggest challenges standing between you and your relationship are identified, you will be able to see where the gaps are and this is where we can start strategizing your actions.
I recommend and devise strategies for them to pay enough attention to their inner voice so that they can hear the little sound, that little voice inside us that repeats the same message again and again. Sometimes just by listening to this voice, you can hear those internal challenges, which arise through fears or even, in myths about relationships.
Myth Top No. 2: “Men dislike strong and independent women”
Before meeting my husband, I agreed to be part of a social experiment for a friend who lived in Beijing. He was planning to launch his ‘high end’ matchmaking business in China. Of course he received my full support – how nice that I got paid to use a professional matchmaking service and have a chance to meet my Mr. Right!
After spending three hours at a famous Asian matchmaking company’s office, I received my first match for a potential dinner date. To make a long story short, the dinner wasn’t a good experience. The date, an American-born Chinese man who had lived in San Francisco for years, did not ask for my phone number for future pursuit. Some months later, we ran into each other at an airport lounge. It was embarrassing. Yet, he still invited me to come over and have a drink or two. Eventually, we spoke about our previous dinner date experience…
I told him bluntly that he and other men were intimidated by my career success as well as the apartment I was living in at that time. It was why he didn’t bother to stay in touch with me. He quickly laughed and said that this wasn’t the first time he’d heard such a comment from a woman (including his older sister, who still lived in San Francisco and works for a major advertising agency as a Creative Director – she owns a Ferrari). He explained that he and most of his friends appreciate independent and strong women. If guys like him feel intimidated, he said, it’s because the woman is trying to compete with her date. I can use myself as an example. I used to analyze the conversation so as to prove how smart I was. I also liked to jump in or interrupt before my date finished his sentence so that I could show him how discerning I was.
That competitive aura is a big turnoff. Being competitive is a good attribute at work but not in the dating setting. A man is looking to love a woman for who she is, not for her career or her possessions. Confidence is sexy; so is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It is totally fine for you to keep your career and successful personal life to find a mate. But your personal femininity (good self care, learning how to receive, being grateful, etc.) helps you attract the right man.
Write to me about what you think about men and relationships. I’d be happy to put a response together to address your unique question.
Always stand by you and for you,